CSI

I’m giving some serious thought to starting a club. Actually club might not be quite accurate; really it would be more like a movement, if you will. A conglomeration of resources for mothers everywhere involving identifying those mysterious substances that find their way into our homes, onto our children’s clothes, and become embedded in the fabric and carpeting of our cars. We could have a group help system in place and a database of possible culprits. Something like logging onto the Internet and using Google.com to search out information. We’ll call our website, “What the heck is THAT.com”. Moms from around the country, or even the world, would join and post pictures and descriptions of various substances, identifying what they can, and what they used to clean those substances up. I don’t know about you, but I’m thinking this information would be invaluable. If Crime Scene Investigators can identify a smidge of the tiniest proportions left behind at a crime scene, then surely we moms can identify and share with others, those unknown splotches, smears, and crumbs left behind by the fruits of our wombs.

Case in point: I went to bed last night, quite ill with a cold, and woke up around one in the morning. I sleepily wandered into the kitchen for a glass of water, passing the living room on my trek. As I passed by the previously clean coffee table and area rug, I realized that someone had been eating in there long after I’d gone to bed. The evidence before me was a copious amount of very fine, light brown, crumbs all over one end of the coffee table, and all over the area rug beneath it. A quick glance around, and I spotted further evidence left by inexperienced “criminals” who obviously weren’t very good at covering their tracks. I was able to identify the substance without the aid of DNA collection tests, microscopes, or even a finger print kit. I was also able to identify the culprit himself due to the placement of said crumbs in the living room. My sleuthing skills really weren’t even much challenged in this instance, regardless of the fact that I was ill, half asleep, and quite unhappy at being awake. In the space of about 10 seconds, I identified what were graham cracker crumbs, as evidenced by the package left out on the kitchen counter, and the suspect in this case, which wound up being my husband as all the crumbs were located in proximity to his recliner. Sherlock Holmes I may not be, but a reasonably good detective nonetheless.

While this example was a relatively easy investigation, others are not so simple. My database idea might just come in handy then. We moms are notoriously good at figuring out the various puzzles and intricacies of our households. Usually just a sniff, or a feel, or at times even a taste and we’ve nailed it without the assistance of the area CSI unit. We could call ourselves MSI’s, Mom Scene Investigators. We not only find the lost things, and kiss the boo-boos, but we are a whiz at figuring out the what and who when it comes to stains and messes. Can’t touch us! We’re moms and we have our ways.

Witty quip of the day: Despite what your children tell you, "Not me" is not a real person living in your basement who takes all the blame for any and all things having gone wrong.