Friday, July 17, 2009

Age is ONLY a number.

For most of us girls the general concept of aging doesn’t bother us. When we sit back and examine our lives we girls aren’t all that worried about getting older. Right and I’ve got some swampland in Arizona with your name on it too. Come on now ladies aging scares us almost as much as say, one of our kids coming through the door with a broken arm. It’s nearly as frightening as our spouses on the wrong side of age 50, pulling into the driveway in a cherry-red Corvette.

Getting older for women means fun and exciting things like the after 30 arm jiggle, the 40 year old butt-slid-down-our-thighs, and the post 50 crows-feet extravaganza that paid no mind to the promises of that “miracle” cream at $60 a tube. Despite what we see on late night infomercials and in magazines, there are no cures for getting older. Perhaps that’s why we women spend millions of dollars per year on cosmetics, laser procedures, miracle creams, Botox, face lifts, and collagen injections. No matter the cost, we are beyond gullible when it comes to the anti-aging industry.

Being the helper and the giver that I am, I’m here to offer a few suggestions that while simplistic, might just make this aging process a little less traumatic on us all.

1. No matter his age, don’t let your husband keep that cherry red Corvette. It’s only going to cause your neighbors to bombard you with well meaning questions such as, “Oh sweetie is there something wrong with his penis?” Buy him a boat instead, that way when he’s sulking over the loss of the sports car, he’ll be doing something constructive like fishing for his dinner since you likely won’t be cooking for him again any time soon.

2. You CAN have your chocolate and eat it too. I’ve never met a hot flash that couldn’t at least be comforted with a great piece of chocolate. It may not cool you down, but by God the very heat you’re projecting will melt that sweetness just like butter the moment it hits your tongue!

3. Remember girls: any movement is better than no movement. So don’t run out and join the gym if you aren’t planning on having Vinnie-the state bodybuilding champ, train you. Instead, get outside and take that dog for a walk. Grab your kid’s iPod and rock out while you walk the neighborhood. You will look to all like you are engrossed in your healthy undertaking when you’re checking out the neighbors to see who’s doing what with whom. If you can, take notes, makes for more accurate re-telling later.

4. Lastly, some common sense. Throw out that expensive face cream in favor of something chemical and preservative free, with a little SPF for protection. Drink your water, filtered from the tap is just fine. Enjoy your coffee, but ditch the soda. Limit your sun exposure, don’t smoke, and try not to eat anything that isn’t either grown or raised organically. If you can’t pronounce the ingredients, why would you put it in your body? It’s the only one you’ve got! Try not to poison it.

I’m in no way suggesting that you hug a tree, lick a rock, or even buy a pair of Birkenstocks, and by all means, please continue to shave. I am however, suggesting you use the sense you were given and let age happen. Time will pass whether you fight it or not, so why not have some fun instead?

Witty quip of the day: Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many. ~Author Unknown


Mom said...

Age really is just a number. While I may not like the hangy down parts and wrinkles, I thoroughly love being at the age where I can boast about my children and grandchildren. I love getting older!!
I love you my wonderful daughter,

Apryl Schneider said...

Thanks mom! Your unfailing humor and support are immeasurable.

Love you!
Apryl :)