Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Romance Novels

Guilty pleasures: we all indulge once in a while don’t we? Come on, admit it. You risk ridicule by treating yourself to the occasional romance novel don’t you? It’s just us girls here; no condemnation, no judgment… well maybe just a little judgment. I am only slightly ashamed to admit that in my early 20's I used to read them nearly exclusively, and while in recent years I’ve moved on to more thought provoking fare, I gleaned some simply magnificent ways to depict anatomy that I might never have learned otherwise! I mean if one doesn’t refer to a man’s penis as his “quivering manhood”, well then what on earth would one call it? Or perhaps the word vagina is just too crass and without romance novels, we would never have learned to describe a vagina as her “blossoming flower”, right? One can also pick up some fine tidbits about the path one’s relationships should take. Such tomes almost always start with one boy, one girl, and one castle in some far away land. Boy is a swashbuckling hero if a bit of a rake. Girl is always gorgeous with long, flowing hair, and a heaving bosom. (How does one’s bosom “heave” by the way?) Boy woos girl with dreadfully daring deeds, and a shocking repertoire. Girl hates boy, well maybe she loves him. No, she definitely hates him. Next he beds her, and then she REALLY hates him. Of course he’ll run off to perform more swashbuckling deeds and have hearty adventures while she stays behind at the castle simultaneously hating him/loving him. They always wind up together in the end. Sometimes he tricks her into marrying him. Other times, she tricks him into marrying her. Nonetheless, they marry, love and hate each other some more what with the heaving bosom and quivering manhood and all. Then in the end they are desperately in love and generally with child. Oh shoot, I’ve ruined the plot line of the book you’re currently reading haven’t I? Please accept my humble apologies, really.

Today’s Witty Quip: “Blossoming Flower”. Find a way to use it in your daily commentary. Only we’ll know that it means vagina. To the uninformed it will sound as if you’re speaking of the flora and fauna in your neighbor’s yard instead. No need to thank me, I’m a helper and a giver…

Apryl :)

5 comments:

nveff said...

Where do you get this stuff? You are so funny!!
I love you,
Mom

seminolecollision said...

My husband calls it "My forbidden love" novels! HA! This was a fun read, thank you Apryl, it brought back memories, I too have moved on to more thought provoking reads but sometimes enjoy the occasional romance novel.

Apryl Schneider said...

Thanks so much for the positive comments! I have to admit that I laughed outloud several times while writing this. Great memories huh?

Apryl :)

linnyree said...

I received your blog site from a mutual 'friend'... Lindy from Dothan... and have become an instant fan. You are delightful! I've sent this to a few of my friends and hope to scrounge some time to send it to many more. In the meantime, I look forward to your next musing. Linda from Arkansas

Apryl Schneider said...

Linda from Arkansas, you are a peach! Thanks for the kudos. I sincerely hope my efforts continue to entertain!

Apryl :)