Wednesday, June 20, 2012

10 Moments With Your Teenager

In light of the fact that I'm down to my last teenager still in the house, I present today's "10" list with my nearly 15 year old male offspring in mind.  Please, please, please... DO try these things at home.

1.  In order to further my evil plot of teen domination, I hereby decree that ALL forms food and drink shall remain in either the kitchen or dining room and that you shall refrain from sneaking it to your room after you believe your parental units have gone to sleep.

2.  I promise to have the audacity to question, whenever I deem necessary, with whom you are texting at 2:00 in the morning.  Please be prepared with a verbal answer as opposed to the typical blank stare, or more recently, the not-entirely-concealed sneer.

3.  Chores.  Ah the infamous "C" word.  One would think that with the mere mention of this word that the teen's parents had just asked them to sever a limb.  See the above not-entirely-concealed sneer.

4.  Homework.  Much like the "C" word, homework has become an obscene word as well.  My teen has perfected the "look me in the eye and smile" whilst crossing fingers behind the back in hopes that I won't find out that really homework DOES exist in High School.

5.  Recently, I informed my teenage son that he would henceforth be responsible for doing his own laundry.  At first he was kind of excited as I think he envisioned having what he wanted to wear available anytime he so chose.  Then he realized that actually involved the act of washing said clothing.  I promise not to laugh.  Anymore.  Maybe.

6.  I vacillate between, "eat what I make or don't eat at all" and "make what you want because you clearly aren't going to die of malnutrition since you've survived this long on hot dogs, macaroni and cheese, and apples".  Matter of fact, I think I kind of like the knowledge that no one in my house will starve if I don't cook.  Carry on!

7.  Do you suppose that the teenagers among us sleep during the day and play at night purely to keep us from seeing what they're up to?  This is my supposition...

8.  This is not your room!  Said about 100 times a day as I walk through my home and find his various and sundry stuff spread hither and yon like so much trash upon my floors.

9.  I wasn't speaking to you.  I was speaking to your father.  Stop asking questions about a conversation you weren't involved it!  Eavesdropping, look it up!

10. No you may NOT drive my car!  We will possibly revisit this IF and when you get your permit...

Today's witty quip:  No, really, no need to thank me.  As always, I'm a helper and a giver.

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