Holiday weight gain.

I keep hearing that the average person gains about 10 pounds during the holidays, so, since you asked so nicely and all, here's Apryl's tips for avoiding the Holiday-10.  Ready?

1.  Don't eat all the things.

You're welcome.

Dining on What?

Eating out.  One of my favorite things to do.  Genuinely.  As much as I love to plan, and source for, amazing recipes and try new things, I seriously dig going out and being served an amazing meal.  I’m sure that love is primarily motivated by my lack of desire to clean up the kitchen!

If I could someone how combine my love of hiking with my love of fabulous cuisine… well let’s just say that’s a business plan I could totally get behind!  Maybe I should start a mobile food cart in which I travel around to the local hiking hot-spots and offer primal noms to replenish the soul.  Or at least the body!  So in a perfect world, here’s what someone would hand me at the trail head on a bright sunny day:

A chilled bottle of dry Riesling; cool, creamy sliced Havarti; cold green grapes and sliced mango; thin sliced English cucumbers; and to balance it off, several spicy, sliced radishes along with some jalapeno stuffed green olives.  Now doesn’t that sound like the most divine way to celebrate cresting that ridge?  Finding the top of that trail?  Exploring the woods and coming out on the other side into a gorgeous pool of sunlight?  Yeah.

Today’s witty quip:  Be sure to pack your corkscrew and plastic wine glasses in your trail pack, cuz you just never know when I might show up with a great bottle of wine and some primal delights with which to tantalize you!

Is Paleo Sustainable? Wellll....

Is the Paleo lifestyle sustainable?  I mean true Paleo.  Not the pseudo-Paleo lots of us wind up exercising.  True Paleo means NO alcohol or sugar.  I went Paleo 2 1/2 years ago and between that incredible change in diet and the 3-5 miles a day I was walking/jogging 6 days I week, I lost around 25 pounds in just a few months.  I kept it off too.  Until my sugar addiction coupled with an incredibly stressful job started my downward dog type food spiral.  I would start each day with plans to keep it Paleo.  Breakfast was typically a couple of poached cage free eggs, and some uncured bacon cooked with either sweet potatoes or broccoli slaw.  Lunch was some kind of meat/fish/fowl and veggies.  An apple and some almond butter for lunch.  Then I went home.  Sigh.  I would stick with a Paleo dinner of protein and veggies again but was also indulging in beer/wine/cocktails several days a week.  Oh and I forgot to mention the fresh baked cookies available at work every single afternoon at 2:00.  Sharp.  I’d like to say that I would just break one in half and enjoy it on occasion.  But I’d be lying.  I distinctly remember one day eating 5.  In a row.  In secret.  Because I was embarrassed.  I haven’t gotten this sugar demon, actually, this food demon, fully under control since.

Sadly, the above translates to the regaining of that 25 pounds I’d struggled to loose for most of my adult life.  I’m also not walking/jogging 3-5 miles, 6 days a week any longer.  I’ve found that my brain prefers to weight lift and my back prefers any activity that doesn’t involve pounding pavement for an hour at a time.

Today I practice what most call a Primal lifestyle.  I still don’t eat packaged food and if I’m honest, I’ll talk about how I tried to add back in cheese and regular use of heavy cream back into my diet.  My gut hated it (translation:  the gurgling and farting heard round the world.  Ok, at least heard at my local Trader Joes).  I still enjoy a good porter or stout or a glass of zinfandel once or twice a week but had to come to grips with the fact that it couldn’t be more than that.  It just doesn’t work with my body.  I still don’t do processed foods.  I do buy canned tomatoes and sauerkraut and I absolutely love the portability of Larabars and sardines or smoked oysters.  I still struggle with a sugar addiction that is almost as bad as my smoking addiction was for 20 years!  But, I hold out hope that I’ll get it under control.  I quit smoking 3 1/2 years ago and never looked back.  If I can do that, then surely I can kick sugar!

One thing I’m absolutely not is a food-nazi.  Well to a degree.  If I see margarine (aka one molecule away from literally being plastic) there’s a good chance I’ll loose my mind and break my rule of never offering unsolicited advice and fill you full of so much information you’ll probably never invite me over for dinner and a movie ever again.  But know this, I love you!  And I care!  And if you can’t pronounce it and you can’d define, why on earth would you eat it???

NOT a Dirty Word

I refuse to be one of those people who snarkily responds to the checkout chick at the local Target with a haughty “Merry CHRISTMAS” in response to their forced “happy holidays”.  I just won’t.  While it irritates me that the majority cowers to the minority, my becoming snotty and screaming at innocent people that they should see it MY way is no better than any of “them” who are mortally wounded by my use of the word Christmas.

At the risk of offending more of the perpetually offended I do choose to offer the following completely neutral observation:  Ummm “Christmas” is an official holiday.  Just like Kwanza.  Or Easter.  Or Valentine’s day.  Or Boxing day.  Or Halloween.  So that having been said, is it really so offensive to the Atheists that the rest of us celebrate a holiday by it’s given name?  Christians are not running amok insisting that Jewish folks stop celebrating Hanukkah.  Heck, anyone with even a modicum of history in his or her back pocket realizes that celebrating Columbus day is essentially a gigantic slap in the face and a flying middle finger to American Indians.  Soooo, again, why are we allowing the minority to dictate to the majority?

To that end, I offer this article.  Are we so caught up in the minutia that the idea of an Air Force officer encouraging his troops to participate in the gathering of Christmas gifts for under-privileged children that we’ve completely lost the forest for the trees?  Hell, I would submit that we’ve freaking torched that same forest.  At what point will we stand up to the perpetually offended?  It really is completely OK to have differing opinions!  It’s one of the things that sets our country apart.  Can we please get to a point were we stop screaming at each other and leave each other be?  Because frankly, if a child goes without a Christmas gift because some asshole doesn’t believe in God and is so mortally wounded at the thought of someone else celebrating a holiday that only in the loosest of terms actually bears any resemblance to Christianity, then I can’t think of a more selfish and entitled existence.  Shame on you.

http://www.gopusa.com/freshink/2015/10/28/air-force-officer-besieged-over-operation-christmas-child/?subscriber=1

I moved!

*Update*

I'm back!  I didn't dig Wordpress as much as I thought I would so I'm back with Blogger.  Hang on, peeps, it's gonna get real up in herrr!

Cheers :)




Hey, hi Sophisticates!

I recently made the decision to move my blog over to Wordpress for the primary reason that they are in line with some of my goals and are better suited to where I'm wanting to go in the future of Sophisticated Primal.

Here is the link to the new blog... please head over and follow from there.

https://sophisticatedprimal.wordpress.com/

Thank you so much for the love and support!

Apryl :)

You do you.

Be the best version of you. You are beautiful. You are fierce. You are a warrior. Everything about you is amazing. That body that you sometimes hate on is working hard for you. It woke you up this morning, it's pumping blood through your limbs, it's working hard to process the food that you've eaten and to feed your muscles. It's keeping you moving with forward momentum.


If you're like me, your eye tends to be drawn to that part of your body that you hate the most. Today I encourage you to embrace that part and find all of the reasons why that body part is necessary for your day to day life. In my case I hate that I have a belly. However, I remind myself that that belly carried three tiny humans and I wouldn't trade them or give up my stretch marks for anything in the world.

Today I challenge you to do just a tiny bit better than yesterday. Small improvements, small steps forward, tiny changes in attitude and how you look at yourself are all bits of progress! Today I suggest you take a moment and journal about your body. Find something to love. Put it on a sticky note and hang it on your mirror. You are so incredibly worth the effort!


Today's witty quip: You are maaaaahhhh-velous, dahling! Simply maaaaahhh-velous!

No. I'm NOT pregnant...

No.  I'm NOT pregnant...

That got your attention didn't it?!?  One of the things I've always struggled with is waking up each morning with a flat-ish stomach and going to bed each night looking like I'm six months in.  When I changed to a Paleo/Primal diet two years ago, much of that dissipated.  As time has gone on and I've allowed myself more "treats" like baked goods, foods fried in unhealthy fats, wine, and the occasional beer, I've discovered that I'm back to the same type of problem.  Until recently.

Not long ago I listened to a podcast hosted by Chalene Johnson in which she featured Primal guru Mark Sisson from Mark's Daily Apple blog fame.  I've been a fan of Mark's for some time but didn't catch that he eats on a more compressed diet.  Not "diet" as in "I'm restricting myself" but "diet" as in "my diet consists of...".  Clear as mud?  He eats within an 8 hour window.  He feels better when he practices that style of eating.  Intrigued, I did a little research and came across the 8 Hour Abs Diet by Melissa Mcallister.  She eats a primal diet but also does so within an 8 hour window.

Being the researcher that I tend to be, I thought I'd give it a try.  I'm rarely hungry first thing in the morning anyway so it didn't seem like much of a sacrifice.  Here's my results after a week and a half:

*Very satisfied with my 11:00 am meal (I have had no off switch for hunger most of my life, this style of eating seems to have fixed that problem)

*More satiated between meals (not necessarily ready to eat my own arm before I get home for dinner)

*More energy and less lethargy throughout my day (desk job... ugh)

*Less obsessing on what and when I'm going to eat next

*Belly is shrinking (as long as I stay away from baked goods and beer!)  I'm looking less like I'm 6 months pregnant at the end of the day.  This is a huge thing!

Here's what my typical meals for the day look like:

Meal 1:  6 oz. minimally processed roast beef or turkey, an avocado, a small apple, cucumbers, carrots, and/or tomatoes.

Snack:  small handful raw almonds or a Larabar (only if I'm actually hungry though)

Meal 2:  large handful of some kind of meat, poultry, fish, or eggs, either stir-fried with lots of veggies, my favorite sugar free seasonings, in either coconut oil or grass fed butter or served with lots of roasted veggies.

And there you have it!  I've included the links below to both of the folks I referenced above.  If you've never considered compressed eating (also known as intermittent fasting), try it for a couple of weeks.  I would love to hear about your experiences!

http://www.eighthourabsdiet.com/

http://www.chalenejohnson.com/chalene-show-podcast-show-notes-8-hour-ab-diet-melissa-mcallister-little-known-secret-turning-body-fat-burning-machine/

http://www.chalenejohnson.com/podcasts/paleo-primal-diet-with-mark-sisson/

http://www.marksdailyapple.com/

Witty quip of the day:  If you can't see a baby's head actually sticking out of the nether-regions of the woman you're looking at, do NOT ask her when she's due!  Your welcome.

Apples and corn and pineapples... oh my!

Ever heard of the "dirty dozen"?  How about the "clean 15"?  According to Environmental Working Group the dirty dozen is a list of twelve of the produce items we eat on a regular basis that test highest for pesticides.  The clean 15, in contrast, test lowest.  When I went paleo/primal two years ago, I became obsessed with all things organic.  Two years and untold dollars later, I've realized that I can actually continue to shop at my local grocery store instead of hitting Whole Foods, Trader Joes, the local farmer's market, and various produce stands every single week.  Who has time for all of that?  I prefer to spend my time planning meals that are comprised of easily sourced ingredients and don't require blind monks to have tended crops fed with the manure of virgin cows raised in the holy lands having never seen the light of day.  Turns out I can purchase organic options of the dirty dozen which are readily available at my neighborhood grocery store and save a ton of money and headache by lightening up and buying conventional from the clean 15 list.

PS... I still recommend grass fed beef and pastured pork and chicken if at all possible.  If not, then buy the leanest cuts you can and remove the skin.  See.  Now wasn't that easy?

Witty quip of the day:  Ummm... you gonna eat that?  "Napoleon.  Give me some of your tots!", for you nerds out there.

Read the report here:  http://www.ewg.org/foodnews/summary.php

CLEAN FIFTEEN

EWG's 2015 Shopper's Guide to Pesticides in Produce™

1

Avocados

2

Sweet Corn

3

Pineapples

4

Cabbage

5

Sweet peas frozen

6

Onions

7

Asparagus

8

Mangos

9

Papayas

10

Kiwi

11

Eggplant

12

Grapefruit

13

Cantaloupe

14

Cauliflower

15

Sweet potatoes

DIRTY DOZEN

EWG's 2015 Shopper's Guide to Pesticides in Produce™

1

Apples

2

Peaches

3

Nectarines

4

Strawberries

5

Grapes

6

Celery

7

Spinach

8

Sweet bell peppers

9

Cucumbers

10

Cherry tomatoes

11

Snap peas - imported

12

Potatoes

+

Hot Peppers +

+

Kale / Collard greens +

New topics, new direction

Hello my lovlies!  Very, very long time no chat.  First, my sincerest of apologies for falling by the wayside of so many blogs in the blogger-verse and failing to continue my quest for world domination.  OK, that's a stretch.  How about I'm sorry for failing to continue to share that which I find funny/interesting/crazy in every day life?

March 1st, 2013 marked the first day of the rest of my life.  Cliche?  Perhaps.  Nonetheless, it was the day I officially started a Whole 30 challenge.  Not familiar with the concept?  I'll include a link at the bottom of this post.  From that (very successful) challenge was born an intense desire to continue to eat clean.  I've been living a Paleo lifestyle (no, its not a diet!) since then and have begun to see some terrific outcomes!  Without sugar in my diet, the joint pain due to arthritis that I've been living with for several years now, has almost completely disappeared.  The gastrointestinal issues are beginning to lessen.  My energy is up.  Add to this the fact that I'm down 15 pounds and over a full pant size, you could say this has been a success!

So many people have asked what "diet" I'm on.  When I respond that I'm not, I eat a very clean diet and exercise almost every day they look crestfallen.  Seriously.  We as a society are so convinced that there must be a magic pill for everything that the idea of "eat clean and train dirty" is almost offensive.  I can live with that!  I feel great.  I eat what I want, when I want.  I simply don't want to eat preservatives or garbage or unpronounceable ingredients.  I shop the perimeter of the store.  I eat more veggies than a bunny and more lean meat/fish/chicken than a cave-woman   I don't obsess about calories nor do I obsess about working out.  I do what feels good, and what feels good is to MOVE my butt!  Regularly.  Oh, and yes, I do indulge in a glass or two of wine.  Just not every day.

So there you have it.  My "magic" solution for weight loss and energy... now get off your hineys and move it! 

Tip of the day:  if you can't define it, for the love of God, don't eat it!

Here's the Whole 30 link:  http://whole30.com/

10 Moments With Your Teenager

In light of the fact that I'm down to my last teenager still in the house, I present today's "10" list with my nearly 15 year old male offspring in mind.  Please, please, please... DO try these things at home.

1.  In order to further my evil plot of teen domination, I hereby decree that ALL forms food and drink shall remain in either the kitchen or dining room and that you shall refrain from sneaking it to your room after you believe your parental units have gone to sleep.

2.  I promise to have the audacity to question, whenever I deem necessary, with whom you are texting at 2:00 in the morning.  Please be prepared with a verbal answer as opposed to the typical blank stare, or more recently, the not-entirely-concealed sneer.

3.  Chores.  Ah the infamous "C" word.  One would think that with the mere mention of this word that the teen's parents had just asked them to sever a limb.  See the above not-entirely-concealed sneer.

4.  Homework.  Much like the "C" word, homework has become an obscene word as well.  My teen has perfected the "look me in the eye and smile" whilst crossing fingers behind the back in hopes that I won't find out that really homework DOES exist in High School.

5.  Recently, I informed my teenage son that he would henceforth be responsible for doing his own laundry.  At first he was kind of excited as I think he envisioned having what he wanted to wear available anytime he so chose.  Then he realized that actually involved the act of washing said clothing.  I promise not to laugh.  Anymore.  Maybe.

6.  I vacillate between, "eat what I make or don't eat at all" and "make what you want because you clearly aren't going to die of malnutrition since you've survived this long on hot dogs, macaroni and cheese, and apples".  Matter of fact, I think I kind of like the knowledge that no one in my house will starve if I don't cook.  Carry on!

7.  Do you suppose that the teenagers among us sleep during the day and play at night purely to keep us from seeing what they're up to?  This is my supposition...

8.  This is not your room!  Said about 100 times a day as I walk through my home and find his various and sundry stuff spread hither and yon like so much trash upon my floors.

9.  I wasn't speaking to you.  I was speaking to your father.  Stop asking questions about a conversation you weren't involved it!  Eavesdropping, look it up!

10. No you may NOT drive my car!  We will possibly revisit this IF and when you get your permit...

Today's witty quip:  No, really, no need to thank me.  As always, I'm a helper and a giver.

Sweet Little Lies

Dictionary.com defines a lie as: a false statement made with deliberate intent to deceive; an intentional untruth; a falsehood. What lies do we tell ourselves? I'm not asking about the little white lies we tell others in order to spare their feelings, I'm asking us to look at the lies we tell ourselves. The half-truths, the purposeful misnomers, the deliberate and willful times we poke our heads in the sand and pretend we don't know the truth.




Calories consumed while on vacation don't count, right? If I futz my way through this workout, no one will know. I'm too fat, too skinny, too old, too young, too smart, not nearly smart enough, not witty, too smart-alecky, I'm boring, I'm too loud, I'm not loud enough... and on and on and on. And yet I wonder. Why do you suppose we tell ourselves these lies and probably more and refuse to look at ourselves through the eyes of God? My bible tells me that Christ took everything that we could possibly have done to the cross with Him. That His death and resurrection rendered it unnecessary for us to indulge in self-loathing. According to the book of James, faith without works, is dead yet it doesn't say that in order to show truth faith we must revile ourselves on a regular basis. I believe with every ounce of my soul that when we hate ourselves, we are blatantly telling God that He's wrong to love us. That He's made a mistake. That despite sending His Son to be tortured and murdered in our stead, it wasn't enough. That leaves a mighty acidic taste in this gal's mouth.




No, that doesn't mean that magically my dimpled backside is suddenly worthy of prominent display. What it means to me is that I get to thank God each and every day for all that He designed me to be. God doesn't make mistakes. Ever.




Witty quip of the day: I maintain that calories eaten while standing up work in reverse...

Merge?

My cousin, affectionately known as "The Tiz", writes frequent Facebook posts entitled "Gym Etiquette with The Tiz" and occasional posts regarding other societal etiquette that seem to have been lost in translation somewhere.  Recently he wrote a post about driving etiquette and fancifully, this morning's news included a story about the University of Iowa and their studies involving driver safety.  Now one might not immediately make the connection between driver etiquette and driver safety, but in this rat race that we all endeavor to run each day, I see the parallels quite consistently.  Emily Post said, "To do exactly as your neighbors do is the only sensible rule."  I, however, must respectfully disagree with Ms. Post.  If we are to do as our neighbors do then it follows that I should, while driving; take photos with my nifty iPhone, send texts, read emails, apply mascara or maybe lipstick, utilize an electric razor, futz with my GPS, turn around in my seat to yell the age old idiom "don't make me stop this car!", eat 3 course meal, spill my recently purchased hot coffee in my lap whereupon I'll sue McDonald's for failing to divulge that said recently purchased hot coffee was in fact, HOT, have animated shouting matches with my passenger, or perhaps even assist with a live birth of puppies.  OK, that last one might have been a bit of a stretch, but who among you can honestly say that you haven't witnessed most, if not all, of the above while driving?

The Tiz wrote about the merits of treating merging onto the freeway as if one were operating a zipper.  First one car from the first lane, then one car from the second lane, then another from the first lane, followed by another from the second lane.  Not entirely a foreign concept to most and yet, much like The Tiz, I myself have witnessed drivers who simply refuse to be delegated to the rear of ANY line.  Riding bumper to bumper as if their very lives depend upon not allowing one solitary vehicle to merge in front of them.  Seriously, who are these people?  In what universe does one get to one's destination more than perhaps a millisecond faster by being a complete and total moron and refusing to allow a peaceful merge to transpire in their presence?

And so, Tiz, you can add The Sophisticated Girl amongst your followers who shake our collective heads in disgust.  I for one, choose NOT to behave as my neighbor behaves in this and frankly, most instances and instead will try to live by the age old adage to treat my neighbor as I myself would like to be treated.

Witty quip of the day:  "It takes 8,460 bolts to assemble an automobile, and one nut to scatter it all over the road."  ~Author Unknown

Surrender

Dictionary.com defines "surrender" as:  to give oneself up, as into the power of another; submit or yield.


If you've ever been involved in any sort of 12 step group, you'll find that step 3 states:  "Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over the the care of God as we understood Him."  If, like me, you prefer to feel in control of your own life, you probably find the concept of surrendering rather distasteful.  The very word "surrender" tends to conjure images of soldiers on a battle field, lifting a white flag, handing over their freedom and lives to an enemy.  Or perhaps you envision the giving away of your own freedom when you consider surrendering to anyone.  


James 3:17 says:  But the wisdom from above is first of all pure. It is also peace loving, gentle at all times, and willing to yield to others. It is full of mercy and good deeds. It shows no favoritism and is always sincere. 


Perhaps the lesson in the scripture is that the surrendering of our will to God isn't at all distasteful.  Perhaps in that act of obedience we can finally realize that if God is in control we don't have to be.  Perhaps not having to be in control of all things at all times, could lift an anvil sized weight off of our collectively hunched shoulders.


Sort of like the 5 levels of grief, I've come up with the 8 levels of surrendering "it" to God:


1.  YOU can have it!  (said through clenched teeth, knowing full well that we'll take back whatever "it" is the moment it rears it's ugly head)


2.  You can have it... (said shyly, after realizing that we've taken "it" back, yet again)


3.  You CAN have it!  (said with enthusiasm, once we've decided that we in fact, DON'T want "it" back)


4.  YOU TAKE IT!  (said with tears of frustration when we've realized we've inadvertently allowed "it" to be in control yet again)


5.  You still have it, right?  (said when doubt rises up in the pits of our stomachs)


6.  You DO still have it!  (said with a smile, when something or someone reminds us that we don't have to be in charge)


7.  Ummm, God?  I think I took it back again.  (said a bit sheepishly when our controlling selves stepped in again)


8.  Whew!  I'm sure glad I don't have it anymore.  (said with a smile while sharing your story with another)


Not my usual light-hearted, find the humor in life, fare, but perhaps a bit of self actualization.  Hope ya'll don't mind too much :).


Witty quip of the day:  I give, I yield, I surrender, I submit... Uncle!!!  Try it.  It's actually quite freeing.

Pink Frosting

I have a problem.  Whew!  I admitted it!  That's step one right?  No, it's not what you're thinking.  I don't drink, I don't do drugs, I'm not a closet gambler or even a hoarder.  Admittedly, I have a tiny OCD-ish tendency with regards to my pantry and towels hanging evenly, but really it's not a problem (just ask my hubby and kids).  No, the problem that I've recently had to admit to is pink frosting.  I can't do it.  I simply cannot force myself to eat something covered in pink frosting.  It immediately causes the gag reflex to go into overdrive.

A few weeks ago I attended the birthday party of a friend's granddaughter.  My friend's daughter handmade the most adorable little piggy cupcakes much like those in the picture here.  They were so cute and they were handmade, which in my world translates to super yummy!  Except...  Pink frosting.  I kept going back to the tray intending to savor just one of those little confections and then I'd walk away trying not to allow everyone else in attendance watch my personal struggle.  I left that day having to acknowledge that I've got a problem.  With pink frosting.  I'm not kidding.  Do you suppose there's a support group for those with an aversion to unnaturally colored foods?  Did I mention I also struggle with blue M&M's?  Not the yellow, not the green, just the blue.

What bizarre food issues do you have?  Can you admit to an issue that no one else within your scope of friends and family suffers from?  Do you gag a little at the thought of something that most people love crossing your very discerning lips?  Let's chat...

PMS and the Holy Spirit?

To an online prayer group I belong to, I wrote the following:  God save me from raging hormones and pompous, arrogant city workers who believe their time is FAR more valuable than that of the assistant (that would be me) to the Executive Director of a 3 building elder care campus.  ARRRRGGGG!!!!  


Okay Holy Spirit, time to do your thing.  Zap me!  Whack me upside the head!  But please, oh please, give me the wherewithal to take a breath before I speak, cuz if I pray for strength, combined with the hormones, I'll likely turn into the Incredible Hulk - and you wouldn't like me when I'm angry.  Well that, and I really don't look great in that particular shade of green.  Just sayin'. 

**meek, small voice: prayers are much appreciated right now, thanks.

PMS.  Pre-menstrual-syndrome.  Every year that passes, it just gets worse and worse.  Every year that passes, I ask the doctor "but WHY can't you just yank it all out?".  With every year that passes, the more certain I become that for 10 days a month I turn into a wholly different, not entirely human, being!  One without compassion, or patience, or control.  One whom, once crossed, instantly sees red and as a result spends an amazing amount of time apologizing to people.  Let me tell you how much THAT is so my FAVORITE thing to do.  *Deep breath*  *Deep breath* *Deep breath*

So this time (I'm a little slow to realize certain things) I had the brilliant idea to ask for prayer from those lovely folks in my prayer group.  Will it help?  Will God actually reach down, touch my head, and say "be thou FREE from PMS for all eternity"?  Who knows, but it sure made me feel better to ask.  Well, that and the iced coffee, and Simple Minds playing on Pandora, and the small salad I found in the fridge. 

Today's witty quip:  Just hand over the chocolate and no one gets hurt! 

Eat, Pray, Blog - I mean Love

I recently watched Eat, Pray, Love. No, I mean I REALLY watched Eat, Pray, Love. In fact, I felt I had to view it a second time immediately after the first.

First I want to say (before the emails come in), no I’m not converting to any sort of Eastern religion, yes I’m still a full-fledged Christian, and no, I’m not running off on a sojourn to countries far, far way. Although, if anyone knows how I can continue to feed my family whilst touring Greece, I’m open to suggestion.

Secondly, I would like to impart the following: If you haven’t watched this movie, do so. Ignore the blatant attempt to convert you to Hindu-type religion. Rather, insert Jesus Christ into the picture. In other words, as Julia Roberts is being taught meditation and prayer, see yourself mediating on Christ instead of on Buddha or a Guru. Meditate on the only One to have died for our salvation. Mediate on God and his unimaginable love for ALL of us. Meditate on the challenges in our lives, and thank God for them. A thought to ponder: if we weren’t exactly where God intended us to be, we likely wouldn’t have the blessings in our lives either.

Here’s what I occurred to me while watching Eat, Pray, Love:

1. Eat. I’ve eaten myself into oblivion. That might be overstating a bit, but most certainly I’ve eaten myself into poor health. I’ve allowed food to be a god of sorts. I’ve begun fasting and praying that the “Eat” portion of my journey has been a prominent item long enough. So for me, “Eat” means whole and healthy as opposed to gluttony and excess.

2. Pray. My prayer life has been sporadic at best. The “Pray” portion of my journey suddenly became a joy I didn't realize existed as I’ve embarked on a mission of fasting and relying on God for my sustenance. I find myself smiling when I pray instead of frowning and trying to find the right words. The words simply flow now from somewhere within.

3. Love. I’ve allowed the challenges in my life to overshadow my joy, and I’d forgotten that “love” is so much more than an emotion. “Love” is a verb. An action word. What that means in my crazy world, is that I need to show my love to my God, my husband, my children, and to myself.

Witty quip of the day: Yes, I’m off of my soapbox. No, I can’t be talked out of my journey. Yes, my love goes out to you all. Cheers!

I'm actually speechless...

Thursday pic-a-pic

Today's witty quip:  Brings new meaning to the term "what-up hooker?!?", doesn't it?

Yaaaawwwn

You may remember my friend "Jane" who manages a low income housing complex and whose tenants keep her on her toes.  Case in point:  the privately paid housekeeper (paid for by the tenant's family) who poked her head into Jane's office the other day to advise that she was on site to clean Mrs. X's apartment and who then announced that she hadn't slept well the night before and would Jane mind if she (the housekeeper) took a "little nap" on the sofa in the reception area.  Jane's response was something along the lines of - awkward pause - "no, you may not sleep in our reception area!" 

People genuinely never cease to shock and amaze me.  I really can't explain why!  I've seen some crazy things in my lifetime, had the distinct "pleasure" of knowing all sorts of people both savory and unsavory, if you will, and yet whenever someone comes onto my radar with what would seem to be a complete lack of couth and social grace, I'm still astonished.  I'm still taken aback.  Clearly I need to lower my expectations of humanity as a whole.  I have this innate belief (which is evidently a tad skewed) that most people are decent, hard working, willing to lend a helping hand, and would never deliberately act in a manner that would be considered by most of society, as inappropriate.  How twisted is MY thinking?

Witty quip of the day:  you know, I think I'm a bit too sleepy to come up with anything witty, so instead I'm heading to Starbucks down the street to ask if I can nap on their sofa.  Sweet dreams!

In other news...

As a new feature, on Wednesdays I'll be posting something interesting from local or national news.  This is absolutely open to comment and I would LOVE to hear your thoughts.

In other news...

According to an article by the Associated Press; in Fort Wayne, Indiana despite the new government building being entitled Citizens Square, it will be fondly referred to by the townsfolk as the Harry Baals Government Center.  Officials, worried that the name would be ridiculed, decided not to name the building after Baals, although city spokesman Frank Suarez indicated that the city mayor simply didn't want to name the building after a person.


Per an online poll of Fort Wayne citizens, first place went to the "Harry Baals Government Center." While their second-place choice was "Thunder Dome."  Not sure which is the lesser of two evils here.

Reportedly, though his descendants pronounce their name "bales" (baylz), the former mayor pronounced his name "balls."  Any why wouldn't he?  The man's in politics and you know what they say, any publicity is good publicity.  And I'm betting that his is a name for which recognition will NEVER be an issue.

Witty quip of the day:  ummmm... it's really sorta hard to top Harry Balls, I mean, Baals.  Thoughts?